The red rose
Fire and cinnamon
They call carnation;
the baked bread
of anise with honey,
and the fish of the phial
what makes it burn:
all of you
son of a woman,
as long as you want
fall asleep once
the rose, I say:
I say the carnation.
The fruit, I say,
And I say honey;
And the fish of lights
And more and more too,
As long as you sleep
The author Gabriela Mistral brings us this beautiful poem where she makes us evoke not only our inner child, but those of us who have daughters or children, since for many or many when the night comes, it represents a moment of anguish and fear because they increase nocturnal fears, that fear of facing our loneliness; to our monsters or fantastic characters products of the imagination of childhood, well, to address this issue I want to tell you from my life experience that happens around the night fears of children, I still remember my childhood, I had a lot fear, much fear that I stole the «pispirispis», the «coco», «patasola», or «the weeping lady» terms used by my father as his strategy for me to go to sleep, but with this I do not want to blame , since he did not have the possibility of someone teaching him how to raise children, a facility with which we currently have, today I understand that it was just one of his methods for me to calm down and sleep.
When I had my daughter and she was about 2 years old, I had nighttime fears, I was afraid of being left alone in the room or with the light off, it was becoming overwhelming for her, it was a moment of great anxiety, an event that it lasted until she was about 6 years old, according to her complaints, tears and anguish, she at that time, I saw gnomes or witches, it was necessary that I stay with her until she could sleep calmly, it was almost 4 years of much understanding, tolerance, love, although I do not deny it, also many moments of fatigue, stress and even anger. But those were the moments where I had to develop my role as a mother in a very conscious and secure way, strengthening with my daughter affective bonds and creating a secure attachment, defined the term since Bowlby (1977) as the tendency to create strong affective bonds with certain people in particular and an attempt to explain the high variety of forms of emotional pain and personality disorders such as anxiety, anger, depression and emotional withdrawal, which occurs as a result of unwanted separation and emotional loss. Likewise, Bowlby proposed that the quality of attachment depends on the quality of early care and that the attachment of babies is the basis for the development of healthy or maladaptive personality. From the experiences related to the figure of attachment, children develop expectations about themselves, the environment and relationships.
The psychologist Marta Rueda refers in her book nocturnal fears, that during the first three years of life, the need for a child to be close to their parents and people of confidence is high, being stronger in the first twelve months. Well children during their growth process in such a short time experience a series of physical, mental, environmental changes and these changes after three years increase as children begin their school process, have more contact or interaction with the social world, you have a change in their habits. What we should be clear about is that nocturnal fears in the childhood stage are a normal process that every child goes through, remember that they are in the magical animistic stage giving life to everything around them , because they are in the imaginative and imaginative stage and even at this stage they are not able to distinguish between fantasy and reality, as they grow other factors influence the environmental factors, when the attachment we establish with children It is from the secure attachment that they will transition more calmly until they reach maturity and understanding, processes such as the toilet training that occurs when they are matured.
Here we want to tell you what routines you should establish with your children so that this transit of their age is not a process that generates wear and anxiety in your child, affecting their life process in the future:
- It is important that as a baby you talk to your child about the routines to go to sleep, we as parents underestimate the children’s understanding but as long as I am constant and keep in mind they will have understanding.
- Put soft instrumental music that allows them to feel calm and well-being.
- Before going to bed, generate spaces to take care of him properly, bathe him and massage him on his back, belly, arms and legs so that he feels the contact with his parents or caregivers.
- Talk with your child about daily habits and comply with them.
- Leave a dim light in your room so you can feel confident
- Generates a calm, clean and calm environment for your child
- Leave the door open so that the child knows that they are at home and does not feel abandoned.
- Read positive and quiet stories and also make up stories that do not generate anxiety for your children.
- Give him a doll or stuffed animal that he can use as a transitional object so that they feel accompanied.
- Do not use the television or electronic devices a few hours before going to sleep.
- Give your last meal early so that the child does not feel like going to the bathroom generating anxieties.
- Be careful with the conversations of adults in front of children where there is no use of aggressive, violent language, use of foul language, talk about the day’s problems or negative language for children.
- If your child asks you to stay, do it, and build trust and confidence in them.
- Do not reinforce your child’s fears in a negative way.
- Do not use fear for the child to go to bed as punishment.
It is recommended that if the child after 9 years of age continues with night fears it is necessary to take him to a Specialist.
As the pediatrician Gonzalo Pin says: «We parents are the frontal lobe of the child, we are the ones with our example we have to transmit ways of acting, so what we have to do is monitor our own habits. We must regulate certain habits and environmental conditions to make it easier for them to keep up. »