As María Montessori used to say, when speaking with people and especially with children, the voice should be low and respectful… If the voice is raised, it should only be to sing. Children’s brains get blocked when they yell at them, so they don’t learn and feel emotional stress that makes them feel bad. You just have to think about how you react when they yell at you … you probably feel anxiety, anger and rage when they speak to you with a higher tone than normal .. A child does not understand why they speak badly, his brain disconnects from the person who he screams, and worst of all, he can also feel scared.
If you yell at your children you will not get better results, quite the opposite. You may yell because you think your children will respect you more, but in reality, when you yell, it only indicates one thing: you have lost your patience and you don’t know how to redirect the situation in another way, you have overflowed. In any case, yelling is never a good option because it is useless – only to make your child’s brain crash, you get angry and the environment becomes toxic.
Would you pay attention to your boss if he yelled at you while explaining something to you, or would you just be in tension all the time? The same thing happens to a child, he tenses up and suffers emotionally. The screams are like spears that pierce your heart. You may think that he reacts because he respects you but nothing is further from the truth. The yelling takes them away from you emotionally and they lose their respect for you. When a child reacts to yelling it is because they are afraid of you and because it hurts them emotionally. He doesn’t learn because his brain stops listening to you.
The brain of a child and of any person of any age, only learns in an environment of safety, love and protection. When a person screams, fear is activated and blocks the area of the amygdala that is responsible for regulating emotions (among other things). When the amygdala detects a danger (such as screaming) stress / fear is activated and there are different options: flee, fight or stay blocked. None of the three are suitable because cortisol runs through the veins when yelling. This occurs because when children are yelled at, since the brain is evolutionary, it activates survival mode and only protects itself from that threat. The screams directly affect the amygdala and when you give the order of danger, cortisol, adrenaline, dopamine begin to appear through the bloodstream. The body prepares to protect itself.
As if that were not enough, screaming causes emotional wounds, so they create negative memories in the memory of children, and worst, if you yell at them, your children will learn that yelling is a normal way of communicating with others and they will yell when they feel frustrated or angry for any reason. When you want to scream, do it, but facing the wind, not facing your children. It is not an educational strategy. When you’re with your kids, take a deep breath and count to 100 if you have to, but DO NOT yell at them. They are your children, the purest love that exists for you DO NOT deserve such a treatment.