The ideal of any Society would be to have loving and responsible families, therefore assertive and successful parents in the face of raising their children, however, this is not a reality that can be possible in its entirety, we see daily and globally In situations of abuse in the family, in my opinion, if we want to reduce these scenarios, it is essential that governments channel and direct with greater responsibility and commitment their annual budget items for social investment, specifically investment in the promotion, reduction and prevention of domestic violence.
The family, being the first nucleus of the Society, should occupy the first places in attention and implementation of effective and efficient projects, plans that not only contribute to the topic that concerns today, but would contribute and touch other situations inherent to the development of the human being. In addition, we would be preventing other psychosocial risk factors such as the consumption of psychoactive substances, alcoholism, suicide, teenage pregnancy, prostitution, cutting, eating disorders, among others.
We recognize that the family is the one who provides love and shelter to the children, these are the promoters of the present and future of the generations, but well, we know that every rule has its exceptions and in this particular case we will delve into one part of this “exception” and it is the intra-family violence which put the physical health and emotional stability of the children at risk, leaving indelible marks for the rest of their days
The WHO refers as a family: “The members of the household related to each other, to a certain degree by blood, adoption and marriage. The degree of kinship used to determine the limits of the family will depend on the uses, to which the data is destined and, therefore, it cannot be defined precisely on a world scale ”, it also defines it as the“ set of people who they coexist under the same roof, organized in fixed roles (father, mother, siblings, etc.) with blood ties or not, with a common mode of economic and social existence, with affective feelings that unite and unite them ”. (Own highlight). Understanding as a family all the typologies that we currently have (nuclear family (two-parent), single-parent family, adoptive family, family without children, family of separated parents, composite family, homo-parental family, extended family) we would expect as expressed by the WHO to be they have “affective feelings that unite and unite them”, but we cannot assume that this logic exists in all families, but it is very important that we understand that the issues where children interfere are not issues of moral dilemma, but mandates established by law worldwide, specifying that all efforts on behalf of children are aimed at ensuring that they have a secure base, for further illustration what he says is emphasized (Holmes, 2001) compared to the secure base, referring that it is the first and most important of the domains, that it is impossible to survive without it, and it is viewed from two psychological points of view where the child restores order everything will be fine «,» everything is under control «and the physiological represented in calm, tranquility, relaxation, regular breathing and this is taken by the psyche of the individual as a representation of security, that is, that secure base protects against occurrences of mental illnesses, since it allows an adequate development of the personality, when speaking about this specific point we refer to a balance in their self-esteem, in the establishment of reciprocal relationships, in positive and fruitful feelings for their life course , warm, intimate and stable relationships, but this in an individual is not formed if adults do not have adequate and sufficient psychological tools to guide, accompany and teach children; parents or adults with whom children are in custody must be responsible, consistent, reliable, it is a priority that the adult recognizes in the child an autonomous, sensitive being, with feelings and a life purpose.
Bowlby describes how these internal models are structured in early childhood, and how they last on the unconscious plane throughout adulthood, represented in attachment figures or situations, if these parents are not adequate enough to raise their children, these children they will not be suitable to educate and train their offspring. Holmes reaffirms what Bowlby describes, as the way we experience ourselves and our relationships are transmitted from generation to generation, meaning that when a family member is violent or abusive, he will be repeating childhood patterns as a phantasmagorical presence and If this is not made visible through psychotherapy, it will remain framed in the future offspring. Likewise, paraphrasing Klein and Fairbain, they highlight that the internal or representational world includes introjected objects, this means the good and bad, indicating that the children’s psyche can identify with some of the polarities, replicating it in their adult life, the The human psyche is indecipherable and we do not know for sure which of these two polarities the child decides to take and how he will represent him as an adult if from a stable and harmonious life or with psychological disorders that will be a shadow for the rest of his days.
Intra-family violence can occur in different directions, paternal-filial violence, conjugal violence and in recent years, filio-parental violence that we will see in another document is emerging because what we bring to our narrative today are the first two. Again let us ask ourselves what is domestic violence? I consider that a good learning is the one that is done through questions and answers.
The World Health Organization defines violence as the deliberate use of physical force or power, in the form of threat or effective, whether against oneself, another person, a group or a community, that causes or has High probability of causing injury, death, psychological damage, developmental disorders or deprivation (WHO, 2002). Then the WHO (2012) in the World report on violence and health divides violence into three main categories according to the author of the violent act: violence directed against oneself, interpersonal violence and collective violence.
The National Institute of Legal Medicine and Forensic Sciences in Colombia reports that there are various types of violence: Physical violence, understood as the act of inflicting harm or pain; psychological violence producing devaluations and humiliations through threats, insults, coercion, control, ridicule and contempt; sexual violence, understood as any sexual contact without consent; economic violence through actions of economic exploitation or control of resources; and negligence for omission of care actions, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.
We currently recognize that the planet is going through a difficult situation due to the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic, where the Governments of all countries have had to implement a host of strategies to safeguard the life of the population, and among these was confinement during weeks, bringing with it a series of conflicts in couple relationships or generated by other family members, well, without trying to generalize, children are the most affected, because they are present or because they are involved in issues only in the spring of adults, also children being the most fragile and vulnerable within the family, sometimes consciously or unconsciously by one of the parents, or adults retaliating against them to make amends to the Other, already recognizing the serious repercussions that this brings to life of the children, so we invite you to start a discussion, fight or have a feeling of anger that e can be directed towards the children, let’s avoid and move away, likewise towards the couple and less in the presence of the children, please stop heart, stop, breathe, think and stay away, learn to meditate, learn to shut up in a timely manner, And if it is not possible to do it, communicate to your family the difficulty that contains you and ask them that when they see you upset they leave you alone and then during the calm sit down to dialogue with the affected people, if you are not able to contain yourself and you become aggressive and Seek therapeutic help immediately and if the couple does not access therapy, seek legal help and support.