One of the most frustrating and unpleasant memories of a child’s life is hearing a fight between mom and dad. To witness an exchange of words or actions that can destroy the self-esteem of a human being, observe how these two people that we love so much and who live to be an example to follow are mutually aggressive and not knowing what to do or worse not being able to do anything. We do not sometimes understand the reasons for the fights but what is a world without discussion or without differences, but this does not justify the idea of arguing in front of children. Discussions between parents leave their mark on children. Not only does it hurt them to see them fight and say ugly things, but the parents who fight harm their children’s ability to recognize and regulate their own emotions.
A 2014 study by the University of New York explains how aggression between parents negatively shapes their children’s emotional response. It affects them more than any other person since there is a direct relationship and when we are young we seek emotional support in our parents, so when we identify that there is a conflict we feel indirectly attacked. The longer the exposure to aggression was, the greater the children’s difficulty in regulating their own emotions of sadness, abandonment and fear, which put them at greater risk of presenting symptoms of anxiety and depression later. And we could say that one of the most important abilities in a child is the development of their emotional intelligence, which is difficult when they are in a toxic environment from an emotional perspective.
Probably all parents have ever discussed, it is normal. And even if we try to control ourselves or do it privately for not hurting our children, we are often unable to stop the momentum. Many adults often say that to maintain a stable relationship it is necessary to express the differences between couples. Personally when I saw a fight between my parents, the first thing I did was to fantasize about how I was going to tell them how annoying I was with both of them for letting me listen to arguments or for somehow forcing me to know this side of a relationship. As adults we must keep in mind that as children we tend to be emotionally empirical, we feel joy, sadness or anger when our family feels this way, they can even feel guilty if we discuss something related to them.
Communication with our children is the most valuable resource we have. Therefore, if it has been a passing discussion we can explain calmly that sometimes dad and mom get angry but that does not mean they stop loving or loving him. Apologizing for the bad time would not hurt. This is the best we can do, present the positive side at every moment so that they do not feel violated.