Being a reflection for our kids

Being a parent is not just about providing, educating, and loving; it is also, often without realizing it, becoming the first mirror in which our children see themselves. From a young age, they learn by observing us—beyond what we directly tell them. It doesn’t matter how many times we insist that they be kind, empathetic, and responsible if, at the same time, they see us behaving in the opposite way in our daily lives. The truth is that many of the attitudes we have as adults are unconsciously passed down to them.

For example, in the adult world, we constantly accumulate emotions. At work, in daily life, with friends, and even with family, we often hide what we truly feel. We suppress anger to avoid conflict, pretend we are okay when we are not, and carry frustrations without allowing ourselves to express them. The problem? Our children see us. They learn that expressing emotions is not safe or appropriate, that they must keep their feelings inside because «that’s just how life is.» And without realizing it, we teach them that vulnerability is a weakness when, in reality, it is a fundamental part of emotional well-being.

We want our children to be generous, to share, and to genuinely want the best for their friends, but what do they see in us? At work, in social circles, or even within the family, we sometimes act with ulterior motives. It might be that moment when we secretly hope a colleague makes a mistake so we can point it out or when we quietly celebrate that someone didn’t achieve what they hoped for. If our children see us taking pleasure in others’ failures or constantly comparing ourselves to others, they will learn that success is not about growing together but about being above others.

Then there is the matter of effort and perseverance. We want our children to be hardworking, to not give up easily when faced with difficulties, but what happens when they see us give up on something because it seems too hard? If they hear us constantly complaining about work, responsibilities, or life’s challenges, what message are we sending them? If we want our children to understand the importance of effort, we must demonstrate it ourselves. Facing challenges with determination, seeking solutions instead of excuses, and showing that every effort has its reward is the best way to instill these values.

Throughout life, we interact with all kinds of people—loved ones and strangers alike—and one of the greatest qualities a person can have is how they treat others. We want our children to be respectful, to listen to others, and to be tolerant, but how do we talk about people when we think no one is listening? How do we speak about someone who has hurt us or someone we disagree with? If our children see us speaking poorly of others or showing contempt, they will learn that respect is only applied when it is convenient. The way we treat those around us is one of the most powerful lessons we can pass on, and it is essential to ensure that it is a positive one.

The reality is that our children absorb not only what we teach them with words but also what we show them through our actions. It is not enough to tell them how they should be—we must embody it ourselves first. The question we should ask ourselves is not just what we are teaching but what we are modeling with our own attitudes. Because at the end of the day, they don’t just listen to what we say; they learn from who we are and how we navigate life.

Raising twins

If being a parent is already a challenge worthy of a survival reality show, raising twins is basically playing in expert mode with a split screen. From the moment you discover two (or more) beating hearts on the ultrasound, people start asking questions and making assumptions as if they were experts: «Are you going to dress them the same?», «Do they have the same personality?», «Who’s the leader and who follows?» As if sharing DNA meant sharing personalities, tastes, and even destiny.

We grow up with the romanticized idea that twins are two halves of a whole, soulmates from the cradle who think and feel the same. And while the bond between siblings can be wonderful, there’s something that often gets overlooked: each child is an individual. Even if they were born on the same day, even if they look exactly alike, even if they have a secret language that adults can’t decipher.

From day one, parents of twins face an extra challenge: fostering their individuality in a world that insists on seeing them as a two-for-one package. Sometimes, without realizing it, we reinforce this idea in small but significant ways: calling them «the twins» instead of by their names, buying them identical clothes, enrolling them in the same activities, or assuming that if one likes soccer, the other will love it too.

But here’s the truth: every child, even if they share genetics and a bedroom with their sibling, has their own voice, their own rhythm, their own preferences, and their own dreams. And recognizing this isn’t just important—it’s essential. Giving them space to develop their own interests, respecting their differences, and allowing them to make individual choices is a gift that will stay with them for life. Being a twin isn’t an identity in itself; it’s just one part of who they are.

For example, some twins may have completely opposite personalities: one might be outgoing while the other is more reserved, one might love sports while the other is passionate about music. And the funny thing is that, even though many people see them as a unit, they often feel the need to differentiate themselves. It’s common for twins, as they reach adolescence, to seek to define their identity more distinctly.

Parents play a fundamental role in this process. Creating moments of individuality within their routine is key. Allowing each child to have their own space, their own friendships, and their own interests—without the pressure of fitting into a predetermined mold—is essential. It’s also important to avoid constant comparisons between them. Phrases like «Your brother does it better» or «You should learn from him» can create unnecessary competition and affect their self-esteem. Comparisons can make them feel pressured to meet external standards instead of exploring and embracing their own strengths. After all, every child has their own learning pace, their own way of processing the world, and their own talents. Recognizing their individual achievements without contrasting them with their sibling’s allows them to grow with confidence and without the weight of imposed rivalry.

And yes, there will be days when it’s easier to treat them as a unit—because the logistics of raising two children the same age is chaos in itself—but the extra effort of seeing them as individuals is worth it. Because at the end of the day, the most valuable thing you can give a child (or two at the same time) is the certainty that they are seen, heard, and loved for who they truly are.

So if you’re a parent of twins and wondering if you’re doing the right thing, here’s a small compass: ask yourself if you’re raising them as a unit or as two unique individuals. And if you ever have doubts, remember this: it’s not about separating them, but about allowing them to be who they are. Because the best gift you can give them isn’t just a sibling to share life with, but the freedom to be themselves. At the end of the day, what matters isn’t that they are «the Pérez twins» or «the García brothers,» but that they are simply themselves—with their own name, their own essence, and their own path.

Frustration on children

If childhood had a list of inevitable experiences, school frustration would be in the top five, right alongside scraped knees and fights over who gets to play with the ball first. From an early age, we are taught that grades reflect our effort, intelligence, and, for some parents, even our worth as individuals. It doesn’t matter if you’ve learned something valuable in the process—if the result isn’t a perfect 10 (or an A+ for the more international crowd), the first thing you hear is: “Why didn’t you get a higher grade?”

The problem isn’t just academic pressure; it’s the imposition of perfection as the only valid goal. We grow up believing that making mistakes equals failure, that anything less than “excellent” is not good enough, and that if you just try hard enough, you should be able to get everything right, always. Spoiler alert: this isn’t true. And yet, here we are, watching kids and teenagers struggle because an 8 in math makes them feel like they’ll never be Einstein, or because a red mark on their essay feels like a judgment on their very existence.

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to improve; it’s the constant fear of disappointing others, of not being enough, of failing to meet the expectations of parents who, despite their good intentions, sometimes forget that their children aren’t robots programmed for automatic success. Phrases like “You have to be the best,” “You can always do better,” or “Why aren’t you like your cousin, who always gets straight A’s?” pierce a child’s self-esteem like darts, leaving a mark that’s hard to erase.

But here’s the great irony: real learning doesn’t happen in perfection; it happens in mistakes. The frustration of not getting something right the first time isn’t failure—it’s part of the process. And yet, many children grow up without permission to fail. Not because they don’t want to do well, but because they feel like their worth depends on it. As a result, the fear of failure turns into paralysis, anxiety replaces curiosity, and school stops being a place for learning and becomes a battlefield where the only goal is to win—or, in this case, to get the highest grades.

So, what can we do as adults to prevent school frustration from becoming a permanent shadow? First, change the conversation. Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you get a higher grade?” we can ask, “How did you feel about what you learned?” Instead of demanding perfection, we can value effort and progress. And most importantly, instead of making grades the center of school life, we can remind children that they are so much more than a number on a report card. It’s also essential to create an environment where learning itself is celebrated, where curiosity matters more than memorization, and where creativity and problem-solving skills are valued beyond a numerical grade.

Because at the end of the day, what we really want isn’t for kids to get straight A’s in every subject—it’s for them to grow up with the confidence that making mistakes is okay, that they can always improve without feeling like they’re not enough, and that their value doesn’t depend on a grade but on who they are as people. If we can help children associate learning with personal growth instead of fear of failure, we will be giving them an invaluable tool for life. And if you ever doubt whether you’re demanding too much, remember this: the goal isn’t to raise perfect kids, but happy, curious, and self-assured ones. Because true excellence isn’t in the final grade—it’s in the love for learning without fear of failure and in the ability to face challenges with resilience and confidence.

How to Support Children with Autism

Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects how a person perceives and interacts with the world. People with autism may have difficulties with communication, social interaction, and behavior, but they also exhibit a wide range of strengths and special abilities. Supporting a child with autism requires understanding, patience, and a science-based approach to tailor educational and emotional strategies to their specific needs.

From a scientific perspective, it is known that autism has a complex biological basis involving both genetic and environmental factors. Research has shown that differences in brain connectivity and sensory processing play a significant role in how individuals with autism experience the world. This means interventions need to be personalized to address individual variations in sensory processing, communication, and behavior.

One of the most effective strategies for supporting children with autism is the use of behavior therapy-based interventions. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy is one of the most studied and widely used, as it focuses on reinforcing positive behaviors while minimizing undesirable ones. Through repetition and positive reinforcement, children learn new skills such as verbal and non-verbal communication, problem-solving, and social skills.

It is equally important to consider the sensory differences that many children with autism experience. They may be hypersensitive or hyposensitive to stimuli such as light, sound, or touch. This can cause discomfort or distress, making it harder for them to adapt in settings such as school or home. To support a child with autism, it is essential to create a calm and structured environment by adjusting sensory stimuli according to their needs. In many cases, a multisensory approach that integrates visual, tactile, and auditory activities can be very beneficial.

Communication is another crucial aspect of supporting children with autism. Many children with autism have difficulty expressing their needs and emotions, which can lead to frustration. Augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) technologies and systems, such as the use of pictograms or electronic devices, can be powerful tools to enhance communication. These tools allow children to express their thoughts and needs more effectively, reducing frustration and improving their quality of life.

Additionally, it’s vital to foster a social support network, both at home and in the community. Social skills training, such as interactions with other children and adults, is essential for children with autism to learn how to navigate interpersonal relationships. While children with autism may have difficulty interpreting social cues, with practice and support, they can learn to understand social norms, share, and work as a team.

It is important to remember that every child with autism is unique, and what works for one may not be effective for another. The key is to observe and understand your child’s individual needs and tailor support strategies accordingly. Early intervention is especially important, as studies have shown that the earlier appropriate strategies are implemented, the higher the chances of success in the child’s development.

Finally, while these strategies can be helpful, it is always essential to seek support from professionals experienced in autism. Psychologists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, and other specialists can offer a more personalized and effective approach, tailored to each child’s specific needs. Teamwork between the family and professionals is crucial in providing the best possible support and ensuring the well-being of children with autism throughout their development.

How to Prevent Bullying in Our Children: Strategies for Creating a Safe Environment

Bullying is a problem that affects millions of children and teenagers worldwide. As parents, it’s crucial to understand how to protect our children from this issue and teach them to face bullying situations with confidence. Preventing bullying starts at home, and it’s important for parents to take an active role in developing their children’s emotional and social skills. Below are some strategies for preventing bullying in your children.

1. Promote Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is key for children to face difficult situations, including bullying. Children with healthy self-esteem feel more secure and are less susceptible to emotional attacks. As parents, we can foster healthy self-esteem by:

  • Positive reinforcement: Praise their efforts, not just their achievements. This will help them understand that their value isn’t based on perfection but on effort and perseverance.
  • Model a positive self-image: Children learn by observing adults. If they see us valuing our own strengths and accepting our flaws, they’ll do the same.
  • Encourage their passions: Helping children discover what they love and what interests them can give them a sense of identity and security.

2. Teach Social Skills

Bullying often arises from differences or discomfort within a social group. To prevent this, it’s essential that children learn to navigate social interactions positively:

  • Develop conflict resolution skills: Teach them to resolve disagreements calmly and respectfully, which is crucial to prevent conflicts from escalating into bullying situations.
  • Promote empathy: Helping children understand the feelings of others will enable them to recognize when they are being cruel or dismissive, and to correct their behavior.
  • Encourage inclusivity: Teach them the importance of respecting differences and being inclusive of everyone, regardless of appearance, gender, or beliefs.

3. Keep Open Communication

Constant and open communication with our children is essential to detect early signs of bullying, whether they are the aggressors or the victims:

  • Ask about their daily lives: Showing interest in what happens in their school environment or social circles will help them feel comfortable sharing any uncomfortable or concerning situations.
  • Listen actively: If your child is being bullied, it’s important to listen without judgment or minimizing the situation. Make sure they know they can always talk to you if they’re feeling bad or unsafe.
  • Prevent the fear of rejection: Many children don’t report bullying because of fear of retaliation. Ensure your child understands that they will always have your support and that reporting the bullying won’t lead to negative consequences.

4. Teach to Defend Without Violence

It’s important that our children learn to defend themselves in a respectful way, without resorting to violence. There are several ways to teach a child to act in the face of bullying without escalating the conflict:

  • Practice assertive responses: Teach them to respond firmly but not aggressively. An assertive response can be as simple as looking someone in the eye and saying, «I don’t like what you’re doing.»
  • Seek help: Remind them that they can always go to a trusted adult if they feel threatened or unsafe, whether it’s a teacher, school counselor, or you.
  • Encourage calmness: Practicing relaxation techniques or deep breathing can help them stay calm and avoid impulsive reactions.

5. Get Involved in the School Community

Finally, bullying prevention shouldn’t be limited to home. As parents, we should be involved in the school community and work with teachers and administrators to promote a safe environment for all students:

  • Know the school’s policies: Make sure the school has a clear protocol for handling bullying situations and that it promotes an inclusive and respectful environment.
  • Encourage extracurricular activities: Participating in activities outside the classroom can help your child make friends and form stronger bonds with peers, reducing the risk of isolation and bullying.
  • Collaborate with other parents: Communication among parents is key to preventing bullying throughout the community. If you notice problematic behavior in a group of children, talking with other parents or the school can help address the issue early on.

The Importance of Constantly Asking Our Children How They Are

A child’s emotional well-being largely depends on the connection they have with their parents. One of the most effective ways to strengthen this bond is by regularly asking them how they feel. These questions not only help children express their emotions but also show them that their well-being is a priority for their parents.

Why Is It Important to Ask Children How They Are?

Children, like adults, face emotional and social challenges daily. However, they often do not know how to express their feelings or may feel insecure about doing so. By asking open and genuine questions about their well-being, parents create a safe environment where children can talk without fear or judgment.

Benefits of Frequently Asking Our Children How They Are

  1. Strengthens Family Communication: When children feel that their parents care about their emotions, they are more likely to share their thoughts and concerns.
  2. Develops Emotional Intelligence: Talking about emotions helps children identify, understand, and manage their feelings in a healthy way.
  3. Prevents Emotional and Mental Health Issues: Constant communication can help detect early signs of anxiety, stress, or sadness and allow parents to provide timely support.
  4. Fosters Trust and Security: Knowing that their parents listen to them and validate their feelings gives children the confidence that they will always have their support.
  5. Helps Solve Conflicts: By regularly discussing their experiences, children can find solutions to problems they face at school, with friends, or at home.

How to Ask Our Children Effectively?

  • Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” try “What was the best part of your day today?” to encourage more detailed responses.
  • Listen Attentively and Without Judgment: Give importance to what they say, showing empathy and avoiding minimizing their feelings.
  • Create Natural Moments for Conversation: Take advantage of mealtimes, the drive to school, or bedtime to ask them how they feel.
  • Be Patient and Consistent: If they do not respond in detail at first, keep asking regularly so they get used to sharing their emotions.
  • Validate Their Feelings: Phrases like “I understand that this makes you feel sad” or “It’s normal to feel that way” teach them that their emotions are valid.