The relationship between children and pets is often filled with tenderness, expectations, and plenty of picture-perfect photos. But beyond the adorable aspects, this bond is a profound ground for emotional learning, responsibility, and respect. Children aren’t born knowing how to interact with an animal; they learn by observing, experimenting, and being guided by adults. Therefore, managing this relationship isn’t just a matter of rules, but of early emotional education.
From a child psychology perspective, we understand that young children are still developing their understanding of «the other.» For them, the world is primarily sensory and egocentric, as Jean Piaget described. This means they don’t always distinguish between what they feel and what the animal feels. A tail pull, a tight hug, or a chase might be attempts at play, not acts of malice. The problem arises when adults interpret these behaviors as intentional rather than developmental delays.
Here, the adult’s role is to interpret. The animal can’t say «it hurts» or «I need space,» but it does express it with its body. Teaching children to read these signals is one of the most valuable lessons. “Look how it wags its tail,” “See how it’s hiding?” “When it leaves, it’s telling us it needs to rest.” In this way, the child begins to understand that affection isn’t always shown through touch and that respect is also a form of love.
Pets, especially dogs and cats, can become secondary attachment figures. For many children, they represent comfort, companionship, and emotional regulation. John Bowlby spoke of the importance of secure attachments, and although his theory focused on human figures, today we know that animals can fulfill an important regulatory function. A child can calm down by petting their pet because rhythmic and predictable contact helps their nervous system to regulate itself.
However, this closeness should not be confused with equality. The child needs to understand that the pet is not a toy or a sibling they can treat any old way. This is where learning boundaries comes in. Just as we teach children to respect other people’s bodies, we must also teach them to respect an animal’s body. This involves clear, repeated, and consistent rules: don’t disturb it when it’s sleeping, don’t take its food away, don’t pick it up if it doesn’t want to be picked up. Donald Winnicott spoke of the importance of an environment that supports without invading. This also applies to living with pets. Supervising is not controlling; it’s being available to intervene when play becomes too intense or when either of them feels overwhelmed. A young child should never be left alone with a pet, not because either one is «dangerous,» but because both are learning. The child’s age is a key factor. In the early years, the relationship should be observed more than controlled. As the child grows, they can be assigned small responsibilities appropriate to their development: filling the water bowl, helping with brushing, accompanying the pet on walks. These tasks not only strengthen the bond but also build empathy and a sense of care. Carol Gilligan emphasized that the ethics of care are learned by caring, not just by talking about it.
It’s also important to validate the emotions that arise in this relationship. Sometimes there is jealousy, fear, or frustration. A child may feel that the pet is «stealing» their attention or may be frightened if the animal reacts unexpectedly. Minimizing these emotions doesn’t help. Naming them, explaining them, and supporting them strengthens the child’s emotional security and prevents relationships based on tension.
The relationship with a pet is often a child’s first encounter with responsibility for another living being that cannot speak. It is a silent school of empathy, respect, and care. But for this to happen, the adult must be a mediator, role model, and protector of the bond, not just a spectator.
When properly supported, this bond leaves deep imprints. It teaches that love is not possession, that care involves boundaries, and that connection is built by listening, even when the other person doesn’t use words.
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