Raising twins

If being a parent is already a challenge worthy of a survival reality show, raising twins is basically playing in expert mode with a split screen. From the moment you discover two (or more) beating hearts on the ultrasound, people start asking questions and making assumptions as if they were experts: «Are you going to dress them the same?», «Do they have the same personality?», «Who’s the leader and who follows?» As if sharing DNA meant sharing personalities, tastes, and even destiny.

We grow up with the romanticized idea that twins are two halves of a whole, soulmates from the cradle who think and feel the same. And while the bond between siblings can be wonderful, there’s something that often gets overlooked: each child is an individual. Even if they were born on the same day, even if they look exactly alike, even if they have a secret language that adults can’t decipher.

From day one, parents of twins face an extra challenge: fostering their individuality in a world that insists on seeing them as a two-for-one package. Sometimes, without realizing it, we reinforce this idea in small but significant ways: calling them «the twins» instead of by their names, buying them identical clothes, enrolling them in the same activities, or assuming that if one likes soccer, the other will love it too.

But here’s the truth: every child, even if they share genetics and a bedroom with their sibling, has their own voice, their own rhythm, their own preferences, and their own dreams. And recognizing this isn’t just important—it’s essential. Giving them space to develop their own interests, respecting their differences, and allowing them to make individual choices is a gift that will stay with them for life. Being a twin isn’t an identity in itself; it’s just one part of who they are.

For example, some twins may have completely opposite personalities: one might be outgoing while the other is more reserved, one might love sports while the other is passionate about music. And the funny thing is that, even though many people see them as a unit, they often feel the need to differentiate themselves. It’s common for twins, as they reach adolescence, to seek to define their identity more distinctly.

Parents play a fundamental role in this process. Creating moments of individuality within their routine is key. Allowing each child to have their own space, their own friendships, and their own interests—without the pressure of fitting into a predetermined mold—is essential. It’s also important to avoid constant comparisons between them. Phrases like «Your brother does it better» or «You should learn from him» can create unnecessary competition and affect their self-esteem. Comparisons can make them feel pressured to meet external standards instead of exploring and embracing their own strengths. After all, every child has their own learning pace, their own way of processing the world, and their own talents. Recognizing their individual achievements without contrasting them with their sibling’s allows them to grow with confidence and without the weight of imposed rivalry.

And yes, there will be days when it’s easier to treat them as a unit—because the logistics of raising two children the same age is chaos in itself—but the extra effort of seeing them as individuals is worth it. Because at the end of the day, the most valuable thing you can give a child (or two at the same time) is the certainty that they are seen, heard, and loved for who they truly are.

So if you’re a parent of twins and wondering if you’re doing the right thing, here’s a small compass: ask yourself if you’re raising them as a unit or as two unique individuals. And if you ever have doubts, remember this: it’s not about separating them, but about allowing them to be who they are. Because the best gift you can give them isn’t just a sibling to share life with, but the freedom to be themselves. At the end of the day, what matters isn’t that they are «the Pérez twins» or «the García brothers,» but that they are simply themselves—with their own name, their own essence, and their own path.